Be Respectful (With Your Former Partner)

Yes, you’ve split up but if you have kids, you will still need to communicate. Your children need to see you communicate effectively. Kids learn basic communication skills from their parents and speaking with an ex-partner is the perfect situation to show your kids how to communicate without yelling.

When you speak to your ex, try and do it in a calm place, without an audience. Especially if you need discuss topics that are important. A corner in a coffee shop might be a good idea. One of you might think meeting at a restaurant or a bar would work, but most of them are noisy and if alcohol is involved that could lead to trouble. If your kids are older, perhaps sit them at a nearby table so that they can witness the two of you having a calm conversation. That would be a wonderful way to see their parents communicate.

When you are having a conversation with your ex-partner, take part by listening to their needs closely and react calmly. Yelling and stomping away doesn’t do anyone any favours. There is a tool called active listening that needs to come into play when communicating is a difficult task at the best of times. From www.skillsyouneed.com “Definition of Active Listening…the practice of engaging closely with what a speaker is saying.”   Look at the other person, remove distractions (your phone!), don’t interrupt and listen to learn, not to reply.

Try and keep any conversations positive and look around to see if any children are within ear shot. You can have a positive discussion if finger pointing isn’t involved. Don’t start sentences with “You,” start them with “I.” For example, say something like, “I would prefer to…,” instead of saying, “You always want to…” Be open to changing your opinion if necessary. That will prove that you are listening and flexible and willing to work with your former partner. Don’t forget situations change over time with any of the parties involved, so discussions will need to take place.

However, some couples just can’t get along, no matter what. If you can’t speak in person, you may have to resort to phone calls or e-mails. Texts are good for confirming dates, time and locations but shouldn’t be used for larger issues. In extreme cases, your lawyer may have to be involved. It’s best not to pass messages on to the other parent through the kids or involve others. The issue to be sorted out belongs to the parents.

If you want to change anything that has to with legalities regarding your children, the staff at Angela Grant-Lee are more than willing to help you. Some issues are bigger than a conversation with your former partner.

ANGELA GRANT-LEE (905) 315-6837